


and Tamaki is the sun

by A5tr0punk



Category: Ouran High School Host Club - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Autistic Character, Canon Bisexual Character, Gen, Homophobia, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Mutual Pining, Not Actually Unrequited Love, Pining, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide Attempt, Tamaharu is implied but not an actual thing, Teen Angst, ep 8 but it's kyoya, gender neutral pronouns for haruhi, kyoya is depressed and autistic, tamaki is suffering
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-19
Updated: 2020-11-20
Packaged: 2021-03-10 00:28:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 4,129
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27624737
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/A5tr0punk/pseuds/A5tr0punk
Summary: Kyoya Ootori takes the hit instead of Haruhi (ep 8). Needless to say, with his history, his best friend gets scared.super tw for themes of suicide, abuse, and depression(chapters are short, feel free to show entire work)
Relationships: Fujioka Haruhi & Ootori Kyouya, Fujioka Haruhi & Suoh Tamaki, Fujioka Haruhi/Suoh Tamaki, Ootori Kyouya/Suoh Tamaki
Comments: 3
Kudos: 89





	1. at first glance

Kyoya had never really liked the beach. Too many memories, bad and good. Too much history. Too much  _ goddamn sand _ . But either way, this beach was private, and it was his. Meaning these pricks were trespassing. No one trespassed on Ootori land. He could literally buy their lives, and here they were, terrorizing  _ his guests _ .

Not just the host in him was furious. As much as he hated it, Ootori pride was as easy to find in him as Ootori blood. It ran in his veins, boiling his blood. It had been a long time since he let himself get angry.

The customers were backing away from the intruders, but they were cornered. Without a second thought, he’d already started speed walking up the hill. Even if this was urgent, being seen running would be embarrassing. Tamaki would call it heroic, but Kyoya would know better, as always. 

He passed Haruhi making their way up to the customers. Their eyes widened as they saw him, and they slowed. At least he’d given someone the impression he was a perfectly capable person.

When he reached the conflict, he didn’t stop. He put a hand on the shoulder of each man, using his momentum to push them back and himself forward. 

The two thugs stumbled backwards, looking angry, but as Kyoya finally stopped and turned around, pushing his glasses up, it barely looked like he’d moved at all. After half-sprinting up a hill, that wasn’t the case, but to show weakness here was to die. It was easy to see that he was much more dangerous than these stragglers.

“You are trespassing on Ootori land. I could call the police,” he bared his teeth, “or I could deal with you myself.” The Ootori name registered, but they weren’t quite deterred. That was new. Funny, it would be so easy to live like a normal fucking person among people like this. Even if they knew his name, they wouldn’t care. 

Names and companies and breeding were the keystones of the world he was born into. He was rather tired of those things, he found.

“Kyoya, he’s got-” One of the girls screamed, but the thugs already had him hanging over the cliff, knife to his throat, looking terrified and determined. More surprises. If he weren’t being threatened, he would be impressed. It took quite a lot to surprise a man who spent most of his time with the enigma that was Suoh Tamaki. “Tamaki! Tamaki, it’s Kyoya!”

“Don’t threaten me, rich boy.” Kyoya kept his face blank. It was so easy, after everything. “I’ve got an idea, specs. Why don’t you take a dip?” Tamaki looked up at him, from where he’d been talking to Haruhi and the twins. He hated this, the fear in Suoh Tamaki’s eyes. He didn’t want to be looked at that way. He knew Tamaki cared about him, he  _ knew _ , but it was so unfamiliar. And, even after all that reassurance, all that  _ love _ , it was still nothing next to the way he looked at Haruhi. 

Tamaki had looked at him like this before. That time he’d also been about to fall. Or jump, but the difference didn’t really matter anymore. Guilt rose in his throat like bile, knowing he’d made his best friend feel that way again. “Hope you can swim.” And then he was plummeting towards the water.

The fall wasn’t so bad. It was a few meters, sure, but Kyoya had fallen farther than that before. It was funny; the feeling of hitting the water came almost too late. Like it was delayed. He felt his glasses drift away from his face. His consciousness was escaping him. ‘Is this what fainting feels like?’ he wondered, and that was the last thought he had before he blacked out.


	2. My darling, my lover, my Tamaki

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Taking a dive off a cliff is apparently just the right time to pull some bullshit with your longtime crush.

He woke up limp, his face feeling like it had been stripped bare of everything that kept him from being seen. His glasses were gone, probably deep in the ocean somewhere. He’d basically littered. He squirmed, looking blankly up at the blond blob of a head, the one who was carrying him, cold and both of them soaking wet. Tamaki, who sighed, relieved.

“He’s okay!” He slung Kyoya’s arm over his shoulder and let his feet fall back onto the sand. Kyoya realized Tamaki had been bridal carrying him, and tried not to black out again. He just  _ did _ that, without thinking. He was so thoughtless, but so kind.

“Are they gone? If you take their IDs and ask them to leave, they should go, even if one of them did have a knife. I was just being reckless.” He heard Honey make a distressed sound, sidling behind Mori. That couldn’t be good. “What did you do, senpai?” 

“Um… anyway, Haruhi called a doctor for you.” Kyoya sighed, removing his arm from around Tamaki’s shoulder, wobbling gently. What would he do without this batch of idiots? He didn’t think before he started laughing.

“I don’t need a doctor, I need my glasses.” He felt hands on his face, one cupping his cheek, the other feeling for a fever. If his face hadn’t been hot before, it was now. Tamaki was too sweet for his own good. Ootori Kyoya had been starved of human contact for much too long, but ever since Tamaki had entered his life, he’d been spoonfed the contact he wanted so desperately every damn second Suoh was around. Tamaki was the sun, and Kyoya was a flower, leaning into his warmth. Just one of endless millions in the world.

“What were you thinking?” Kyoya hadn’t realized before, but Tamaki was vibrating with rage, directed at  _ him _ . His voice was strained, like he was either going to cry or yell. The guilt returned, flowing over him like the water had just minutes before. “You aren’t like Honey-senpai, Kyoya. You  _ were _ reckless. What were you thinking, going up against two boys?”

“Don’t be ridiculous, Tamaki, you would’ve done the same thing. He had a knife. They might have resorted to threats. I know it was reckless, but I was angry. There was no time to carefully craft a plan.” He was being argumentative, and he knew it. Tamaki was right, he should’ve been more careful, but he couldn’t have been. He didn’t want to be. There wasn’t enough time, and Kyoya was lashing out. 

“That’s no excuse, you idiot! You were in just as much danger as those girls!” 

“I  _ know _ , Tamaki. I knew the risks then. I just didn’t care. Besides, it’s over now. It’s done. I can’t change how I reacted.” Tamaki was shaking, and it was easy to brush him off. Kyoya stood, ran a hand through his hair, and went inside. He didn’t follow. But Haruhi did.

“What does he think you did wrong? You saved them.” Kyoya sighed.

“And I put myself in danger. Tamaki has lost family before. It was probably terrifying to wonder if he had to go through that again. It was stupid, and I was wrong.” They paused, considering this. “I know you would’ve done the same thing. Don’t tell him that. It’ll only make him angry.” 

“He looks more scared than angry.” He laughed.

“With Tamaki? They’re pretty much the same thing. If you want to plead my case, go right ahead. He likes you more than me.” He couldn’t help the bitterness in his voice, and he left them behind on the doorstep, to consider that too.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> keeping the chapters to a minimum, hopefully. kyoya is a bitch and I like him so much.


	3. what light from yonder rooftop breaks?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> An exploration of childhood, love, and everything about Ootori Kyoya.  
> tw for suicidal thoughts and behaviors, homophobia, and substance abuse

Kyoya grew up loving his family deeply, especially his sister. But that love, that unconditional adoration, it wasn’t always requited. He was used to unrequited love, and so Tamaki didn’t come as a surprise to anyone, not even his father. That didn’t mean that his family wasn’t disappointed. 

Fuyumi was the first to really realize what was going on. She didn’t care, she was just happy that he had found something that was his own. His father was a different story. He brought Kyoya to his office and told him that if the Suoh-Ootori partnership so much as wavered, there would be consequences. He wasn’t to do anything about his feelings, any action on them would condemn him to a life no longer within the Ootori family.

That was to be expected. Kyoya had never imagined that his family could ever be happy about who he was. Still, it hurt more than he cared to say.

Tamaki was the one who found him, shaking. He never asked, just gently took his hand and led him away from the edge of the roof. Fuyumi came as soon as he called, took Kyoya in her arms, and brought him inside, into his bedroom. Tamaki had stayed until he fell asleep, silent with terror in his eyes. 

They hadn’t ever acknowledged it. When he woke up the next day, Tamaki was playing the piano for his siblings. His fingers flew across the keys. This piece was much more angry, faster, edgier than the first time he’d played the piano for them. He’d cried then, and he cried again. Eventually he realized he could only cry when he heard Tamaki play.

Still, he came close to it that night, tangled up in his sheets after dinner.

A knock on the door.

“What did you need, Haruhi?” They slipped into his room, hovering by the door so Tamaki wouldn’t freak out if he saw them. 

“I need to know if you're okay. Tamaki’s holed up too. What even happened?”

“The last time he saw me that high up I was up on my parent’s roof. He had to drag me back inside so I wouldn’t jump.” Haruhi settled into a chair by the door.

“I found my dad once, with a handful of pills and three empty bottles of whiskey. I was eleven, I think. After that, every time I saw him take his antidepressants I had to swallow down a terror, tell myself he wouldn’t leave me behind. 

“You don’t want to hear this, but Tamaki-senpai isn’t as strong as we are. We all had to grow up too fast. Senpai… he deals with things by pretending he’s immature, codependent. I’ve met people like that before. He can’t deal with it like I can. He’ll get too repressed, eventually, and he’ll explode. You don’t want to see him when he blows up.” Kyoya sighed, rubbing his face. “You need to talk to him. You were right, I would’ve done the same. But that doesn’t make it okay. You hurt him, Kyoya. You two are family. He loves you just as much as you love him.”

He snorted, but didn’t comment.

They were right. He had to do something.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please be safe, loves. A lot of this is projection, and I know it hurts. But there's so much time you've yet to live, so many people you haven’t met yet. Stick around, at least for that, if you can.


	4. arise, fair son, and kill the envious father

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kyoya and Tamaki have a chat.

Kyoya stood outside Tamaki’s door, hand raised and poised to knock. He’d been standing there for a while. He’d never been so completely and utterly petrified. Even when he’d stood on that roof, he’d shaken like a leaf, but he could’ve moved, if he’d wanted to. Now, though, it was like he was just frozen in time. A portrait of a boy with the world moving around him.

The door opened, and Tamaki walked directly into him. They tumbled to the floor together.

“Kyoya?” His voice was strained again, and his eyes were red. He’d made Suoh Tamaki cry. What an evil, evil thing to do. Tears welled in his eyes as he sat up, and he buried his face in his knees, breathing deeply. “Kyoya, are you-”

“Shut up.” There was a sharp intake of breath. Kyoya was calm. Kyoya was collected, Tamaki was the one who got emotional. Tamaki was the one who lashed out and loved deeply and pretended his skin was so much thicker than it had ever been. When had their roles gotten this messed up? “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry, Tamaki.” Arms wrapped around him, and a sob wracked his body as he stopped trying to stay calm.

“You can’t die on me, Kyoya. You can’t.” 

“Father’s going to be so mad at me, Tamaki. He’s going to be _so angry_ . I promised I wouldn’t ever let feelings get in the way of the Suoh-Ootori partnership. I promised, and I almost ruined everything.” Tamaki stiffened. Kyoya dug his fingers into his own arms, trying to silence himself, trying to stop blubbering, because he can’t lose Tamaki, Tamaki is _everything_ -

“Why did you promise that?”

“He doesn’t trust me and my stupid _degenerate_ tendencies, and he was right, you should’ve just let me drown-”

“What did he say to you?”

“It doesn’t matter-”

“It does. Please, Kyoya.”

 _‘I know you care for the boy, Kyoya, but please consider how this will affect us. If the media-’ He’d cut his father off. ‘I know. I really know. I was never going to do anything about it.’_ Look at me _, he’d thought,_ do you think he could really ever love me the way I love him? Do you think I would risk everything on that chance?

“I can’t,” he whispered. “I can’t lose you over that.”

“I can’t stay quiet, Kyoya. I can’t pretend this didn’t happen. I care about you. More than anything. I want to help. Kyoya, I- you’re my best friend. My favorite person in the world. I love you.” Tamaki was the sun, and Kyoya was a flower, leaning into his warmth. Just one of endless millions in the world.

Just one of endless millions in the world.

Just. 

~~Just~~.

A laugh bubbled up in his throat. He wasn't going to wait. He wasn’t going to hope. It was time to let go. Tamaki loved him, and that was enough.

“You’re ridiculous if you don’t think I feel the same. You don’t have to pretend, but I can’t. Really, Tamaki, it doesn’t matter anymore.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kyoya is so dumb. This fic is  
> MUTUAL pining don't worry, Kyo-chan is just ASD-coded and I am your local autistic gay here to deliver.  
> But, in all seriousness, Kyoya is very repressed. This is kind of my official explanation for what canonically happens in ep 8, besides comp'het'.  
> Haruhi was talking about Tamaki in the last chapter, but it applies to Kyoya too. He gets too bottled up and messes up. 
> 
> This is not the end. Prepare for the suffering to finally come to a close next chapter!


	5. thank god for hot topic

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the host club goes to America. Kyoya is a hot boy, okay? Tamakyo stops dancing around the truth.

_The spring before graduation_

“We’re going pride flag shopping.” Kyoya choked on his tea. Haruhi was wearing a dress over their binder, heavy boots and socks with lace. They looked great, but Kyoya was still in his uniform, tie loose and jacket thrown over the back of the hotel chair. “Tamaki picked out an outfit for you too. He loves America’s shopping malls, we found a Hot Topic on our way back and he won’t stop going on about it. They have a deal on pride stuff right now.”

“I can’t believe the first place on your passport is going to be _Chicago_. We only have three hospitals outside of Asia. The first time Tamaki really picks our destination and he takes us to a city. Honestly, you people.” They made a face and tossed him a heavy bag, before closing the door softly. Tamaki still hadn’t gotten back. He peeked in the bag and made a noise of distress. What was Tamaki thinking?

Kyoya had no clue how Tamaki convinced everyone in the host club to come to Chicago with them, nevermind picking adjoining suites in the same hotel. He insisted on getting less expensive accommodation than they usually would so Haruhi would feel comfortable. Kyoya didn’t mention the fact that having to share a hotel room with Renge was probably excessive punishment, not equal to the suffering of ending up in a five-star hotel, but Renge tagged along at the last minute and there were no extra rooms. At least they didn’t have to share a bed.

He and Tamaki were sharing a room (with two beds, thank god the twins had reluctantly agreed to share), so he slipped into the bathroom to change into the painfully strange ‘commoner’s garb’ Tamaki had picked for him. He looked fine, if anything, he looked fantastic, but the loose black t-shirt, ripped black skinny jeans, and heavy belt and boots made him wonder how much it would cost him to buy out a newspaper if anyone got a picture of this. He left the many sets of chains in the room, only clipping one to his belt, and put on the thin golden filigree locket Tamaki had bought him in China instead. 

His ears stung, and Kyoya twisted his new earrings roughly. Tamaki had discovered ‘alt’ fashion while researching where to go in America, and soon all of them were plunged into trying it. Honey-senpai had done terribly, figuring out exactly what a lolita was and nearly quitting the club. Kyoya had been rather disgusted himself, but Haruhi seemed to enjoy some of it, indulging Tamaki in his many trips to high-fashion stores and places like the Hot Topic. Kyoya caved when the blond threatened to get a tattoo of his face, and got his ears pierced with Tamaki.

He stepped back out into the room to ask Haruhi for makeup, and Tamaki’s eyes widened.

“Oh. You’re… you’re really wearing it.”

“You’d have to kill me to get me into all those chains, you know.” He swallowed thickly, but Kyoya didn’t notice, messing aimlessly with his hair. “Do you think Haruhi would let me wear some of their eyeliner? The smudgy kind, Kaoru dared me to.”

“Yeah, of course. I’ll just-” His voice cracked, and he _ran_. Kyoya finally looked up, confused. The door adjoining to the twins’ room creaked open.

“Hey, Kyo- holy shit.” Hikaru leaned in the doorway, eyeing him up and down. “No wonder Boss was so excited. You look… wow.” Kaoru poked his head in the room and let his water fall back into the bottle he’d been drinking from to keep himself from choking. “Yeah. The boss is going to flip when he sees him, right?”

“Tamaki just left, actually.” Hikaru’s wonder quickly turned into something devious.

“How’d he react?”

“He was weird. I asked about the eyeliner and he went to get it for me.” Karou let out a low whistle. “Is there something you’re not telling me?” The twins smiled, shaking their heads.

“Kyoya-senpai, I have- Huh.” Haruhi stood in the doorway, reacting almost exactly the way Hikaru had. No wonder they were such a pair. Kyoya was beginning to get rather annoyed.

“Everyone stop ogling my dear Kyoya and get ready to go.” Tamaki entered the room, newly composed, and wrapped his arms around Kyoya in a way that he might have considered possessive if he didn’t know any better. “My new friend’s shift ends in an hour. I don’t want to miss him.”

“What’s going on?”

“They were admiring you, Kyoya. You look gorgeous.” His annoyance faded. It was hard to have any thoughts when Tamaki was _right there_ , literally breathing down his neck. He’d been resigned to being friends, but he was always going out of his way to be difficult. Finding ways to touch Kyoya in public, draping himself over his shoulders, toying with his hair. Even when he wasn’t touching him, the blond had a nasty way of getting under Kyoya’s skin. _Tamaki thinks I look_ gorgeous _, Tamaki thinks I’m attractive, Tamaki’s so close, I should probably say something, Tamaki, Tamaki, Tamaki_. Not that he minded. It was nice to have something to think about that made him happy.

“Sure. Who’s your friend?” Haruhi spoke up, no longer frozen in the doorway, walking over with their eyeliner.

“Tamaki met a French boy working at Hot Topic. Sebastian. We promised we would swing by again later. Tamaki did mention… well, Sebastian was flirting with him, and-” Kyoya’s blood boiled. The tall blond just let out a sigh, burying his face in the crook of Kyoya’s neck. “He said he had a boyfriend.”

“I panicked,” he muttered.

“So we need to come back with more people. I can do your eyeliner, if you want.” Kyoya brightened, grateful he didn’t have to learn to do makeup in the next fifteen minutes. Behind him, Tamaki went stiff. “Ugh, don’t get it twisted, I’m not into gay guys.”

“Touche. Where should I sit?” Tamaki looked like he’d been frozen. He wasn’t even blinking. It was child’s play to break out of his hold. Haruhi had him sit in one of the vanity chairs while they worked, and Kyoya stilled, sitting patiently. “It’s rude to stare, you know. If you think it’s weird-”

“I’m bisexual.” The twins had closed the door after a whisper argument (likely about whether or not they should film this for blackmail), so it was just the three of them, Haruhi working quietly as the two boys… talked? Sat in mutual petrification?

“There goes your overcomplicated pride flag plan. What were you going to do, casually take bi and demi pins for yourself and display them ‘subtly’? I told you, you could’ve just talked.” Tamaki huffed.

“I wanted to do something memorable. You didn’t hear how he reacted when I said I loved him. ‘Yeah, Tamaki, you’re my best friend too’, I have never been more insulted in my life. Best friendzone me? The king? What would my father say?” Kyoya sputtered. 

“W-what, I-”

“I nearly got him to do the fake dating thing, too. Shame. It can’t be helped, I’ll have to go into hiding for the rest of my life.”

“Y-you-”

“I’m done, I’m heading out now.”

“Wait, don’t leave me-”

“You two have fun!” Haruhi strolled out of the room, and Kyoya was left to face Tamaki in his greatest mental challenge yet. The king flounced over to him and sprawled across his lap, looking up at him with big violet eyes. He pouted.

“My Kyoya’s always been so smart. Why doesn’t that extend to me?”

“Tamaki, I really can’t think when you’re touching me.” The bastard had the nerve to smirk up at him. Without warning, he placed a hand on the back of Kyoya’s neck and pulled him down so their faces were mere centimeters apart.

"So don't think. I'm in love with you." He looked in awe at Tamaki. "That's what I meant. Does what you said still apply?"

"My father found out I had feelings for you. He made me promise it would never hurt our business." Tamaki put a hand on his chest, gently pushing him up, and he sat up with him, still curled up in Kyoya's lap. "I've been in love with you since the first time I heard you play the piano."

"Too bad for your father, I nearly announced our engagement after I almost lost you. Maybe I should've." Kyoya was so surprised, he actually threw his head back and _laughed_. Tamaki looked at him painfully softly, smiling gently. 

"Yeah. Maybe you should’ve."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> All that's left is our epilogue, babes!


	6. fin

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> epilogue

_November 1st, post Kyoya and Tamaki's graduation_

“Father, I have news regarding Ootori-Suoh business. Things should go smoothly here on out.” He couldn’t help the smugness in his voice. Tamaki was in the bathroom of his family’s private airfield, with Kyoya leaning against the wall outside, phone to his ear.

It hadn’t been easy to proposition the pilot without reporting back to either of their families, but the staff had adjusted quickly enough, and Kyoya assured them that there would be no consequences. Not for them, at least.

“And why is that?”

“Because, when Suoh Tamaki takes over, he’ll have a perfectly capable partner by his side. Could you take the family out to Paris for my birthday? Tamaki and I decided we wanted to celebrate here. And Father?”

“Yes?” His tone was apprehensive.

“Pack for one hell of a party.” Kyoya hung up. Within a few minutes, Tamaki stepped out into the hall with him, fiddling with his cufflinks. “Darling, could you close your eyes for a minute? I have a present for you.” Tamaki did as he asked without a moment’s hesitation.

With slightly shaking hands, Kyoya took his boyfriend’s left hand in his own. Tamaki tensed as he felt metal against his skin, and his violet eyes fluttered open to stare down at the gorgeous golden band on his finger.

“No fair!” He pulled a small jewelry box from his pocket. Kyoya’s mouth twitched.

“You took me to France. I wanted to do something for you, too.” His fiance threw his hands up in exasperation.

“I brought you here to propose. I had a whole grand gesture planned and everything.” Kyoya bit back a laugh of victory. “And of course you knew, you stupid genius.”

“I love you too, Tamaki.” The blond sighed, smiling despite himself, and opened the other box, taking Kyoya’s hand. He slipped a thin, unadorned golden band onto his finger. Kyoya actually laughed. It was the other half of the matching rings he’d bought for Tamaki. “I’ve contacted Eclair Tonnerre, she’ll be meeting us tomorrow with your mother.”

“I love you more than life, my dear,” Tamaki said, sweeping Kyoya up into a hug. “I heard part of your call. Should the ceremony be on your birthday?”

“If that’s alright with you. I thought it would be the easiest way to get everyone to come. Father will be there expecting a birthday, and he’ll get one.” Tamaki laughed.

“You’re so evil.”

END

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks sm for everyone who stuck with me through this fic! it's the first multichapter fic that I've finished, and it was such a pleasure to write. I hope you all enjoyed it as much as I did!


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